


I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times

by tonyjasper99



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), fic based on art, martins trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:08:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28670529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonyjasper99/pseuds/tonyjasper99
Summary: Jon walked over and stood in front of him, cupping his face in his hands. “Oh, Martin,” he whispered.--Martin has to face some traumatic memories while going through the safehouse kitchen. Luckily, he doesn't have to do it alone.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 6
Kudos: 100





	I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a lyric from "Devil Town" by Cavetown  
> Fic was inspired by [this art](https://everchased.tumblr.com/image/613245861208670208) by everchased on Tumblr

“Gloves, a small pocket knife, cotton swabs, suture kit, bandages, gauze, gauze, more gauze...good lord how much gauze did Daisy need?” Jon questioned as he was taking stock of the bathroom cabinet.  _ There are four and a quarter rolls of gauze under the sink coming out to 85m and there's another roll in the kitchen drawer to the left of the sink making it a total of 105m. _

Jon groaned, annoyed that he let his Knowing abilities slip. He was doing his best to not See things, but sometimes he would let his guard down and little things would get through.

It was his and Martin’s second day at Daisy’s safehouse and they had decided that they should take stock of what Daisy had left behind. Since he wasn’t able to reach the cabinets, Martin had been assigned the kitchen, which left Jon with the bathroom. 

Jon was mostly alright with this. Since becoming the archivist, he had learned more about good first aid materials to keep on hand so that he would be able to see what they needed to pick up from the village. However, he could see that there were some bottles of lotion in the back of the cabinet under the sink. He saw at least one bottle, maybe more, and he thought he saw a bottle of sunscreen as well. 

Jon  _ could _ handle the lotion, but he really didn’t want to. Even looking at it brought back not so fond memories of when he was kidnapped by Nikola for a month, being gagged and tied to a chair, having his skin lotioned everyday, and nearly being killed by Michael.

Jon sighed, deciding to put off taking stock of the lotion to go grab the extra roll of gauze from the kitchen. Grabbing his cane and bracing himself against the sink, Jon heaved himself off of the ground, making his way to the door. As he got closer though, he realized there was something off.

From the other side off the door, he could hear muffled noises. Worried that someone had broken in and Martin was in trouble, Jon grabbed Daisy’s pocket knife and hurried out into the kitchen. Only, when he got there, instead of an altercation he found Martin sobbing into his sweater.

Not wanting to startle him, Jon gently knocked on the wall beside him. Martin looked up and saw Jon there and quickly put his hand over his eyes and turned his face, trying to hide his tears. 

“I’m sorry,” Martin said, using his right arm to brace himself against the kitchen counter. That’s when Jon saw it; a can of peaches that Martin must’ve found while going through the cupboard. 

Jon walked over and stood in front of him, cupping his face in his hands. “Oh, Martin,” he whispered.

Still covering his eyes, but unable to keep the tears from flowing down his face, Martin held onto his boyfriend’s arm. “I don’t even know what happened…” he choked through his tears.

“Martin, it’s okay,” Jon reassured him. “It brought up some traumatic memories, you don’t need to apologize. Let’s go sit down for a few moments okay?” Martin nodded and Jon led him to the sofa and sat down, wrapping his arms around him. 

Jon, leaning on Martin, started breathing in and out rhythmically, hoping that Martin would copy him and it would help calm him down. Eventually, Martin’s breathing did regulate and his crying stopped and they just sat on the couch holding each other.

After a few minutes, Jon broke the silence. “Do you want me to get you anything? Some tea? Biscuits maybe?”   
Martin just shook his head and held Jon’s hand in his. “No, thank you,” he said, “I think I just want to sit here with you for a few more minutes.”

“Okay, we can do that.” Jon brought the back of Martin’s hand to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss.”Do you want to talk about it?”

Martin shrugged. “I don’t know what happened. I was going through the cupboard and going through the cans when I came across the peaches and then suddenly the only thing I could think about was when I was trapped in my flat by Prentiss and how scared and alone I was. I was there for thirteen days and no one came to check on me and I didn’t know how long it would last.” 

Martin’s breathing started to pick up and he was starting to shake so Jon wrapped both his hands around Martin’s to ground him and let him continue. “I was so helpless,” Martin said, “literally unable to do anything except sit in my apartment and try to keep the worms and Prentiss out. I had no phone and couldn’t call for help and I couldn’t leave or fight or do anything. And I don't know, just seeing those peaches brought back a huge wave of all of those emotions. All of them. The fear, the loneliness, the uselessness. It was just too much.”

Martin took a deep breath, pushing back the tears that threatened to flow over. He looked over at Jon and let out a small laugh. “Sorry,” he said, “got carried away.”

Jon shook his head. “It’s okay Martin, you don’t need to apologize. I am so sorry about the Prentiss incident. I wish I had known what was actually happening. And I am sorry you got reminded of all of that.” Jon was silent for a second before asking, “is it okay if I hug you?” Martin nodded and they embraced, with Martin letting a few tears run onto Jon’s sweater.

“I think it would be best if I went through the rest of the kitchen and you take the bathroom,” Jon said after they were done hugging. “That way there’s no chance of you running into another can of peaches.”

Martin laughed and nodded, “yes, that sounds like a good idea to me. Will you be able to reach the cabinets?”

“Probably not, but I can just stand on a chair. Plus, if I do the kitchen I don’t have to deal with the lotion which is amazing,” Jon added.

“Oh God I forgot all about that. Jon, I am so sorry, you should’ve said something,” Martin groaned. 

Jon shrugged and grabbed his cane, walking towards the kitchen. “It’s fine. I survived.” Jon went to the drawer with the gauze and handed it to Martin. “Here you go, you will be needing this,” he said with a smile.

Martin looked adoringly at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, Love.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Tumblr at [asexual-jarchivist](https://asexual-jarchivist.tumblr.com/) and Twitter at [@TonyJasper99](https://twitter.com/TonyJasper99)!


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